Brewing Excitement

I know I am in the minority in the pregnancy community, but reality is what it is. Most FTM's (first time moms) become excited and begin planning, dreaming and shopping for their baby the before their positive pregnancy test has a chance to dry out. I am a little different -- I am finally letting myself become excited. It has only taken me 30 weeks -- but I am now comfortable enough to let it creep its way in.

Last week Geoff and I went onto the Baby's R Us site and ordered some cute little outfits from their clearance section. They were just so cute in the pictures, and even cuter in person. When they were delivered and I opened the box to see what was inside (me and my baby brain had forgotten we ordered them), tears immediately welled up in my eyes. There were some sweet little onesies and the cutest little outfits from Carter's. I envisioned our little girls wearing them, squirming around, looking cute -- it melted my heart.

We are also starting to get some deliveries to the house -- the breast pump, our stroller frame -- our car seats and big stroller are on their way. It is just getting so real -- I never, ever thought we would get to this point.

I was talking to my mom this morning and she mentioned her plan for the "big day" -- when she gets "the call" she will call my brother who will come from Chicago to pick her up and they will both go to the hospital. Again -- I am stunned that we were having this conversation. It just doesn't seem real to me. I am going to be a mommy and Geoff is going to be a daddy to not just one little girl -- but two. I turn into a blubbering fool just thinking about it.

I had a dream last night where I was holding and caring for a baby. I think we were having a party to introduce the girls to everyone, and I was just so enamoured with this little baby in my arms -- I wouldn't let her go. People would come up to me and want to talk or hold the baby, and I wouldn't let them. I was so intently focused on this little girl, staring into her eyes, holding her close -- the whole world was just passing me by and I was in my own little world with my little girl. I don't recall seeing another baby in this dream -- of course I could read into that and think "it's a sign" that only one will make it... but I won't do that. I don't think our dreams are that accurate a reflection of our reality, so I will just assume the other baby was with Geoff in another room in my dream...

We go to the doctor tomorrow for our 29/30 week check-up. I told Geoff last night that we need to pack my "bag" tonight, in the event something happens and I end up in the hospital. I know it is still "early" but I don't want to be left unprepared. I know I've been having some more contractions lately and there is always a chance that they are the kind that can change my cervix. We are at that point where any day can be "the day" -- so I want to be ready.

We also get to have an ultrasound again tomorrow. We haven't had one since 24 weeks, so I am eager to see how big the girls are at this point. They should be right around 3 lbs. I hope they are growing on target -- of course, I am a little worried about this.... just a little though. If all looks good tomorrow, I'm back to my regular doctor and my home hospital, which makes me feel good. I want to deliver at my home hospital, where I am closer to friends and family.

So, we shall see what tomorrow brings. So far things are going well and I hope they continue going well for at least another 4-6 weeks.